Incurable
by the tangerine otaku
Summary: Screams in the night... the constant nightmares of a boy with no known cause for his sudden mental illness. Pleading, bloodshot amber eyes... perhaps a young woman doctor can unlock the cause of his suffering? Post TRC
1. Screams in the Night

This was a fic that happened around 2 AM after re-reading 22 chapters of tsubasa in one sitting. Yes, you can laugh. I'd call this a bit of a negative "what-if" story taking place after the series, and is Syaoran-centric. References to events up to volume 6 will appear later on, otherwise, this is safe from spoilers.

**Disclaimer! **- Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, Tsubasa Chronicle, Syaoran, Syaoran Li's family, Kurogane, Fai, Mokona, Sakura, X/1999 and its characters, Cardcaptor Sakura, and anything else I may have taken snippets from are ALL property of the sugoi women of CLAMP. The other parts of the story are written by me, not you.

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Incurable - A Tsubasa RC Syaoran Angst/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 1 - Screams in the Night

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The hoarse cries echoed down the long corridor, sending shivers down the spines of patients and doctors alike, drawing the newcomers out of their rooms to peer out into the darkness. For the elder ones, this was nothing new - he uttered the same sad cries every night. _'No!... Don't do it!... Please don't take her away from me!.. Please...'._

Occasionally, words would pour from his mouth foreign to the listeners, some they heard more than others. _'Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Mokona!'._

Then the word with an unknown meaning, but which every doctor, patient and visitor recognized as his constant cry, the center of his nightmares. _'Hime!...'._

The sounds would start almost instantly after lights-out - as his same nightmare replayed in his head. It would begin with the soft whisperings of _'Forgive me, Hime... I'm so sorry...'_, escalating to pleas of terror and regret. _'Don't hurt them, please... No! Don't... don't kill them...'_. On the worst of nights, it was rumored he tore at his own flesh, begging and pleading, _'No! Not her! I can't! Don't make me... god, no. SAKURA!'_, until at last, the noise grew intense enough to send the full staff of nurses to sedate him, sedating him with endless medication, until even the faint whisper grew silent. _'Hime...'._

And that was how it had been, for the past year and a half, for the residents of the Shinjuku mental institution, or more specifically, the patients in wing 4 - the "incurables" ward. All of them with strange diseases of their own, frequently made known their various grievances through the night, imagined or otherwise, but none as loudly as he. The young boy at the end of the hall, with blood-shot amber eyes. Possibly the least likely to recover, the doctors believed, though he was the youngest. It was rumored among the nurses that he never slept.

Many psychologists had come to try to 'understand' the cause of his 'night-fits' and 'hallucinations', in the 18 months since his containment, all with little success. _"...false 'memory' flashes, parts of unknown language...", "No recollection of events earlier than 1 month before arrival...", "Claims to be of 'another world'_... - the reports were all similarly inconclusive, revealing nothing about the causes of his current condition, or even what it was, for that matter. So for the past 8 months, no one had bothered to attempt communication with him, dubbing him 'completely unstable' and leaving it at that.

"It doesn't make sense..." The young woman muttered, tucking a locke of long blonde hair behind her ear while clutching a clip board thick with the tattered reports. "An scholarly young man of a fine family, wonderful relations, an future at the finest college on the continent. He had everything a 16 year old boy could want... What would cause such a drastic change in him, such violent hallucinations..."

"Heh... just like all the other fresh ones," The woman next to her laughed. She was older, more stooped, but she kept pace with the younger one, their heels clicking on the linoleum uniformly. "Doctor Monou, you are the last of 12 doctors to come through here. What makes you want to bother with such a case? Even his own family is terrified of him. He's hopelessly disturbed." She coughed, clearing her throat with a loud grunting noise as the girl slowed to a halt.

Kotori looked to the floor. "I just... I want to help people. Maybe, if there's any chance I could help him... I want to try my best!" She gave an eager, determined look at the woman, who saw the makings of an innocent asking to be broken, but smiled just the same.

"His room is right there." The elderly woman gestured, fumbling with a ring of keys in her pocket. Kotori stepped up to the small pane of glass in the door peering into the gloom.

It was a typical room, for an asylum such as this one. Padded walls, padded floors, a high ceiling. But this one was larger than the others, and completely unlit, save for 2 strips of florescent tube lights on the ceiling high above, which flickered at frequent intervals.

While most prisoners could be seen throwing themselves at walls, or hiding in corners, the boy she had come to see made no attempt to disguise his location. Clad in the same uniform white pants and top as the others, though unbound, as was accustomed here, he sat face up, unblinking, rigid on the floor of the room. His feet were to the door, and his face was invisible, covered by scraps of tangled brown hair, masking his expressionless face. His eyes, she noticed through the brown, were the deepest amber.

Kotori was nudged away, as the older woman turned the key and opened the door a crack. "Come in, Doctor Monou," she gestured, pulling on her sleeve, dragging her into the room.

"Are... is it safe to be alone with him?" She whispered, frailly, unwilling to make eye contact with the boy.

"Of course. He is particularly well today. Though he has his problems, not once has he made an attempt to hurt any one other than himself in his entire stay." With a smile, the nurse turned to leave, and Kotori felt a rush of shivers creep up her spine.

"Li Syaoran..." She called. "A Doctor Monou is here to talk with you." She smirked, as she closed the door, leaving Kotori alone, save for the company of a reported, severely insane young boy. A possibly dangerous severely insane young boy. She took a step further into the room, and cleared her throat. The boy didn't stir.

"Hello, there..." Kotori said gently. Hello was always a good way to start. "I'm Kotori Monou, and I'm 26 years old." So far so good, she thought. "May I ask... what is your name, or what would you like to be called?" It was always polite to ask such questions, she thought, though she knew the answer already. She sat down, slowly, near the wall closest to the door, as the boy lay motionless. A few seconds later, the strands of chestnut parted on the boys face, as his thin, but sturdy frame rose to a sitting position, facing the girl. For the first time, she looked directly into his amber eyes, and they met her frightened gaze.

_Those eyes... their light, the light is almost completely gone... What could have -_ But her thoughts were cut off by the voice of her patient.

"From the time I was found, I have been Syaoran. Please call me that." Syaoran stared blankly at her, emotionless.

She could hear the pain in his voice, buried beneath the hoarseness and numbness. So much suffering... What could have caused these feelings? Kotori's curiosity had caught her. She longed to hear his tale. She wanted to understand him, why he had changed, what he believed he had seen... "Found? I had heard you were raised in Hong Kong, with your Mother Yela-"

"No." He interrupted, a sound of anger in his voice. "That woman, none of them are my family. I was alone, and will always be alone now..." His voice trailed off, and Kotori sensed his strange pain surfacing. She knew she had to be careful with what she said, as it would take very little to set him off, into another of what the nurses had called to "another one of his louder episodes"

"But... aren't you Syaoran Li? Born July 13, 1989, Age-"

"No!..." he said harshly, and began to clench his fists, breaking eye contact with Kotori, and staring at his curled toes. "I have always just been Syaoran. That was the name he gave me. I'm born on April 1st, just like her. She made it that way. We would always celebrate together. Always... Hime. Forgive me, please, Hime..." He began to rock back and forth, his head tucked firmly between his knees, repeating his last 2 words, until they became little more than a whisper.

"Syaoran..." She couldn't help but utter his name, her heart longing to hear more. This pain? Could it really be imagined? No dream could cause such suffering, such heartache...

She crawled onto her knees, and did what all her instructors warned her never to do. She crept catlike across the padded floor, drawing close to him. Her motherly nature urged her to embrace him, to hear his woes, to prevent him from feeling such sorrow... And then she was beside him. Her long blond hair fell in ribbons framing her face, as she extended a hand, reaching up to touch his dampened cheek. She gently swept her finger across it, pulling back the hair, as he raised his head to look up at the ceiling, panting, pale-skinned.

_His eyes... so empty._ Syaoran's eyes had now widened, and looked blank, dark, as they gazed up at the ceiling. His breath grew shallow, and Kotori now rose to her knees, extending both arms to him, cautiously, gently, slowly wrapping them around his trembling shoulders. She smiled, relieved as he allowed this, his breathing slowing slightly. She gently drew his body forward, towards her, letting his head come to a rest on her shoulder, his breath icy, but his forehead wet with sweat.

She leaned her head gently on his, gently stroking his hair with her hand. His eyes still wide with fear and sadness remained unblinking, as she began to whisper to him. "Everything will surely be all right, Syaoran, you don't have to fear me... Please believe me Syaoran, I want to understand... please let me understand your pain."

She held him in such a way, for a while, as his heartbeat began to return to normal, his breathing deeper. Syaoran turned to look at her, and she smiled, seeing the faint flicked of a light return again. She released him, and he let his body flop down on the padded floor, still staring up at Kotori. "You..."

"I want to believe you, Syaoran, to see what you see, to understand... Such intense feelings... I don't believe they could be a hallucination." She smiled at him, instantly regretting what had just transpired. She was fully ready to listen to any story this possibly insane patient would say, and knew she would most likely believe him. She sat down cross-legged beside him, as he resumed staring at the ceiling.

"Will you tell me your story?" She whispered.

And faintly, in the dim glow of the florescent lighting, she was sure he had nodded his head.

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Hello there, X fans! Wondering why I stuck Kotori in there? I wanted to take a familiar character with an understanding personality, and my impulse choices Sakura and Tomoyo, would be too involved. Kotori fit the part well enough. For non-readers of the X series, his takes place in a AU completely separate from the that one, so knowledge of that series is unnecessary.

Ch 1, Version 3.0 - Originally Written 2.20.06; Final Revision 2.6.07. \

Ahh, how good it feels to purge the engrish from my younger fics.


	2. Amber

Konnichi-puu! Back for more? I'm flattered.

((In this chaptire, Kotori has some questions for Syaoran. Sometimes certain questions lead to unexpected discoveries...))

**Disclaimer **- Syaoran, Sakura, Kotori, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and all related aspects, X/1999 (X), Cardcaptor Sakura and all related aspects are copyright CLAMP-sama! The rest is mine, not yours. :)

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Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 2 - Amber

The boy at the end of the hallway was on her mind again. Kotori sighed, leaning back in her chair, resting a thick stack of papers in her lap.

_Those eyes... why can't I forget those eyes? _She sighed, and shuffled through a stack of papers profiling patient 1493: Li Syaoran. She'd thought the mountain of data, history, photographs, **anything** would help her understand it, but it hadn't. She withdrew a photograph of Syaoran as a child - he wasn't smiling, though he was being hugged tightly by a ecstatic girl with long black pig tails. A memo on the back of the photo noted her as being his cousin. She closed her eyes, recalling his face, as she had done so many times in the 5 days since she had met him. She tried to compare the two pairs of eyes, the stature, the general essence of the two figures.

_He's a different person... The same, and yet..._ Kotori shook her head. She was being completely irrational, and she knew it. But did it matter? She wanted to know, who this "Syaoran" really was, and what had happened to him. With an exasperated sigh, she tossed the pile of paperwork onto her desk, and stood. She carefully drew a few pictures from the pile, and gently placed them in her shirt pocket as she left the room. She walked, quickly, head lowered, not wanting the other nurses to know where she was so determined to reach.

_I have to ask him..._

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"Syaoran?" She said meekly, as she stuck her between the crack in the doorway. "It's... it's Kotori." Something about talking to this boy made her so nervous. The boy she had only met once before had her completely captivated.

Syaoran didn't move. She sighed, and stepped inside, quietly shutting the door behind her. Her feeling of fear had decreased since last time, but she still felt uneasy about the unmoving body of her patient, the empty expression. She crept to the wall closest to him, and sat down to watch him. As she did so, his eyes flashed in her direction.

"You're back?" He said in a hoarse whisper, amber eyes meeting her pale, cautious ones. He shifted onto an elbow, braking eye-contact, and rising to a sitting position. The sudden movement made Kotori realize she was trembling, but for what reason, she didn't know. As he turned to watch her again, his hair shifted in front of his eyes, turning his face into an mess of chocolate and amber, with little but mouth and nose visible.

"Of course." She said, managing a smile, despite the trembling the slight cold sweat forming on her forehead. She crawled a few feet closer to the sitting boy, reaching out a hand to his. The sudden chill of it, almost made her recoil, to run away, but instinct said otherwise... "I want to know who you are."

Syaoran looked blankly at her for a moment, and then, to Kotori's surprise, he nodded in assent. She smiled, and lifted her hand to her cheek. "You're not Li Syaoran, are you?"

Syaoran looked up at the ceiling and inhaled, as if drawing the answer from above. "I'm not. I... but what I did to him..." He looked down, clamping his eyes shut, as if fighting off something from inside. "He looked like, **him**... I thought he was still... even after what he took from me... from myself..." Kotori felt his breaths growing shallower, and stroked his hand, willing him to be okay, to stay a while longer. _I still need to know more..._ "'Him'?"

"He is the one who made me do... to kill... even **her**! My Hime... Sakura..." Syaoran clenched his teeth, and Kotori watched as tears began to well up in the corners of his eyes. "I thought Li Syaoran was... and so I... I killed him." Kotori's eyes widened, and she struggled to see his eyes, but they were still closed.

"We were exactly the same. There was nothing left of him, but I was soaked in his blood. So, they found me... and..." Tears were fully formed now, streaming down his cheeks, soaking strands of his knotted hair.

Kotori's face went white. "A mistake. They mistook you because..."

"Because all they could find was one body,_ covered in his own blood._" Syaoran's eyes flashed open, and Kotori watched, breathless, as his eyes darkened from light amber, to chestnut and then to black. Suddenly, she couldn't see anything anymore, couldn't feel the floor. But there was a light, and then suddenly...

_"Syaoran! Quickly" _A shrill voice, unseen called out to the pair of eyes. The figure followed after the shrill call, panting, calling ahead to the unseen speaker.

_What happened to Kurogane-san and Fai-san? _

_"There's trouble! There's someone here who-" _The voice ceased, as the pair of eyes rounded a corner, entering a chamber lit by dim torches on all sides. In the chamber was a young man, holding a blood-stained animal carcass by two long ears. As the runner entered the room, he looked at the man, clad in blue and orange robes, markings running up his arms and legs in an intricate pattern.

_Who are you? What are you trying to do to..._ as he spoke, the eyes darted downwards, towards the stranger's feet, where visible from behind him was a thin girl, amber hair covering her eyes, bound and gagged.

"_Oh, but It's not what I will do..." _The young man smiled, and with a jolt, the pair of eyes moved forward towards the stranger and the terrified girl. A knife was clutched in a hand. _My hand? _The hand plunged forward...

"No!!" Two pairs of eyes flashed, two breathless screams in unison, as they found themselves, side by side staring up at the ceiling of a padded room. Kotori leapt up to a sitting position, soaked in cold sweat. She immediately turned to Syaoran, who was still on the floor, in a panic. "No, Sakura! No... don't... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." He lifted a hand to his face, and Kotori watched, horrified, as he began to scrape at his skin, leaving red impressions on his face.

"Syaoran! Stop!" Kotori gasped, and went against one of the most important codes for a nurse in her line of work. She placed her hands on top of his, and clasped them, pulling them away from his face. "Stop it, Syaoran!" She had managed with some struggle to pry his hands of his face, but he was still fighting her. _I can't win against him..._ as the thought crossed her mind, he let out a deep cry and flung his arm against the wall, sending her face first into the cushion.

He had struck her. This boy she had trusted so deeply, who had just opened up his mind to her a moment ago... "Syaoran..." her voice came out as little more than a whisper. As the last syllable of his name left her lips, his eyes flashed, and instantly the amber light was back.

"Sa-kura?" his head turned, hair obscuring his face once more, but though her vision was a little blurry, she could have sworn she saw a look of sympathy in his eyes. "Oh, Kotori-san... I... oh god..." He crept away, returning to his position in the center of the room. "You saw it? What I..." he said, his voice barely audible.

"Yes." Kotori responded simply. She had only meant to talk to him, to ask questions, but it had become so much more. She shared a piece of his past. And it wasn't enough for her, to know such a small part. "Will you please... let me come again?"

Syaoran looked up at her, and with something resembling a slight smile on his face, Kotori realized she was welcome to return.

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I didn't entirely like this one, it was rather hard to do at 1 AM. But meh, please review. Constructive criticism would be appreciated, but no random flames.


	3. Names

((O ho ho ho, talk about on a role (for me:P) ))

A big thank you to those who reviewed me for both the first and second chaptire - Noir Rose and Cherry Tiger. The rest of you reviewers rock, but these girls are exceptionally awesome. And to the few people who added to favorites or alerts without reviews, I waggle my finger at you. :P You know who you are, and so do I.

**Disclaimer: **Syaoran, Kotori, and all the people I may throw in, as well as their series belong to CLAMP-sama! The rest is mine, not yours!

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Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 3 - Names

Rated T for mild violence and, le' gasp! A swear:P

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_To be in her arms again..._ Syaoran inhaled deeply, ignoring the sent of sanitary spray - a janitor had come through to clean after a particularly bloody episode after the young nurse's departure the day before. He found himself slipping into his memories again, as he so often did, shoving the ugly white from his eyes, and retreating into the safety of earlier times, with her.

_'Syaoran-kun!' _The young girl tugged gently at his sleeve, her jade eyes alight. _'Nee, Syaoran! Do you think I could do that someday?' _ She pointed upwards at an elegant woman in fine silks prancing delicately across a wire meters above.

_I-isn't that dangerous, Princess? What if you fall?_ The voice stammered - his own voice, as a small boy. The girl, the princess, turned her head in reply, flashing a determined smile that turned into utter delight.

_'I'll practice really hard! Then, when I'm good enough, I'll show Syaoran-kun what I can do!' _

_'What are you doing, Syaoran-kun? Why are you holding that...'_ The young voice faded, the sounds of the circus ceased, and an older, terrified voice rose. _'What are you doing? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong to you?'_ The voice chocked with tears, the reflection of the blade in his hand, uncontrollable, despite every fiber of his being willing him not to hurt...

"Syaoran!" A swift jostling of his clothing brought him back to the land of ugly white. The damn white existence that was his life now. Colorless, friendless, empty but for the thoughts of what he had done...

He looked, unsmiling at the young blonde before him. The doctor. "Kotori-san?" _She saw, and yet she still trusts me? After what I did..._ He sat up to meet her calm gaze. "You're not hurt, are you?"

She shook her head, smiling. "I'm fine, you didn't mean it." But Syaoran noticed a discolored mark on cheek from where she had collided with the so-called 'safe' wall.

_I didn't mean for any of it to happen, and it did. What difference does it make if I meant it or not? They're all still..._ he let his mind ponder over her words, and obviously began to drifting into his mind, as she tapped him lightly on the shoulder, concerned. "So... why is it that you call me Kotori-san? Is it... part of your true culture?"

"It shows your respect for another. to call one 'san' is showing casual respect, while 'sama' is more formal..." He paused to make sure she was still listening, and saw her eyes, apparently enthralled by the idea of honorifics. She grabbed his hand, as if urging him to continue. "Then for friends," he continued, quietly, "'-chan', '-kun' or sometimes things like '-tan' or '-wanko' in playfulness..." His eyes flashed at the familiar syllables, and remembered...

_'Uwaahhh! Kuro-wanko is being a bad puppy!' _He saw the familiar blonde man, tall, thin, in an outfit suitable for a cafe waiter. In his hand, he held a drawing of two puppies and two kitties, one large and one small. He smiled at a steaming, hulk of a man, with jet-black hair and narrowed red eyes. He was wearing a baggy robe and pants with slightly-platformed wooden sandals.

_'A bad puppy, a bad puppy! Lock him outside!'_ a squeaky white bunny-thing echoed from its perch on the glaring man's shoulder.

_'What was that? I told you! I'm Kurogane!' _

The one called 'Kurogane' fumed and gripped the hilt of his sword threateningly.

_'Looks like the puppy is mad, nee?' _The blonde mused, a squeak of_ 'Wai!' _Coming from the white creature, as it leapt away from Kurogane. This sent the large man hurtling after the thin one and the ball, shouting cries of _'bastard'_ and _'It's Kurogane!'_, to the happy reply of a _'hyuu hyuu!' _from the pursued.

The vision moved toward a bar counter, where a young girl sat sighing, as she dried dishes. A mirror behind her reflected the chase behind them, and the tired brown eyes and darker hair - his own reflection, beside one of the back of the girl.

_'It's starting again...'_ she said with a sigh. He saw himself nod, at the smiling girl in waitress attire.

_As it always does, Sakura-hime. _She smiled in return, her green eyes reflecting the light from the room, and then...

He returned, out of breath, to the blank prison, sitting beside the wide eyed doctor. _She... saw it too?_ Syaoran gasped, and reached with his other hand to pry her hand from his. She inhaled, eyes flashing, hands trembling.

"Syaoran, how? I saw... your memory, through your eyes..." Kotori sat trembling, a frightened look reminding Syaoran of the last time he saw her...

No. He wouldn't be brought back to that yet... "I... I'm so sorry, but I don't know how I did that to you." He looked away, eyes full of regret at what he had exposed Kotori to not only yesterday, but today and the potential of what he could reveal tomorrow. "You should stop coming here. I can't be saved from anything. I'm... _Incurable_." the word tasted bitter in his mouth, he had admitted he belonged in that white prison. But wasn't it true? He certainly couldn't undo what had happened, and did he really deserve to walk free after his horrible acts?

"I don't care about any of that." Syaoran was surprised, as he looked up to see her leaning over him, a look of determination on her face, mirroring that of his princess. "I don't care about your past. I don't care if you hurt me sometimes, because... if I can share just a little of your pain, perhaps that can help you heal." She gripped both his his hands and their eyes truly met.

"I don't know where you're from, how you came to kill and replace Li Syaoran, or if the disease of your regret has a cure... but I won't give up." She smiled. "I stand by what I said when I first met you. I will do anything I can to help you. But I need you to let me inside you heart."

Syaoran was left speechless by Kotori's declaration. For reasons unknown to him, tears welled up in his eyes. Where to begin? "She was the Princess of Clow. The light for the kingdom - a potential queen. Her name... was Sakura... and..." his voice trailed off.

Kotori nodded, urging him on with a squeeze of the hand. Syaoran closed his eyes and felt the memories flooding back to him. "She was, and will always remain, _the most important person to me!_" His voice rose, and he felt himself sink into the depths of his memory, searching for the moment that started it all. The beginning of the end of everything he had once loved.

_'This girl has lost something precious... and that precious thing has been scattered across many dimensions.' _

The tall woman, clad in an elaborate dress of black with white detailings, looked down upon the lifeless girl, wrapped tightly in his arms. It was pouring rain, soaking all of their clothes, but still, his grip on the princess did not loosen.

_'If nothing is done, she will die.'._ Die? Sakura, the one who had always supported him, trusted him, possibly _cared_ for him... and now... _'Do you wish to save her? There will be a price...'_

_YES!_ _If there is anything I can do, I will do it! _His cry echoed throughout the rain-soaked courtyard. More than anything, that was his wish. But what could he do to save her? And how would he pay?

The memory turned cloudy, parts of it had faded over time, until the vision became clear once more. Two figures now stood on either side of him, the solemn man in black, and the tall blonde, a hooded coat obscuring his face.

_'Syaoran... your price is your relationship.'_

_My...how?_ his voice faded, full of confusion.

_'Even if you recover all of her memories, the relationship you shared will not be recovered.' _The woman was solemn, but no sign of regret could be seen in her eyes. _'So what is this girl to you?' _

_My childhood friend... _his voice choked with tears managed to whisper. _And the princess of a country, but also...** She is the most important person to me!**_ Syaoran's voice became a scream, and he shut his eyes, fighting back tears.

_'If you choose to accept Mokona, this relationship will be gone. The memories of her past with you, will never be restored. This is your price.' _He opened his eyes, and looked directly into hers._ 'Will you pay it?'_

_I will. _Syaoran raised his head fully, masking his tears to meet her piercing gaze. _I will **not** let Sakura die! _His last words rang in the air, and the vision faded to blackness, that of his own closed eyes. He felt the warmth of Kotori's hand in his, and inhaled deeply.

He felt a sudden drop of moisture on his hand - his own tears? No... _hers. _

"Syaoran... You said 'Sakura'..." her voice trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished. Syaoran waited patiently, eyes still closed. "To not use a name, like 'san'... what does that mean?"

He stiffened, and felt a tear slide fully-formed down his cheek, and sat for a moment. When at last he couldn't contain it any more, a reservoir broke within him, and he began to cry, openly, being taken back once more...

_'Syaoran-kun!'_ the little girl called out to him, her green eyes reflecting the light from the setting sun. _'From now on, would it be okay if I called you just "Syaoran"?' _

_'My brother told me that you can call people you especially like by only their names!'_ She smiled, reaching for his hands. _'So you can just call me "Sakura", nee? Syaoran?'_

With the last syllable of his name echoing in her ears, Kotori awoke as if from a dream, and rubbed her eyes. She released Syaoran's hand abruptly, and looked over to him, to see that he had been released from the memory. And he had.

The brown haired boy sat, head pressed to his knees, his chest movements jerky. Kotori heard a soft whimper, and a hiccuping sound escape his hidden mouth.

"Syaoran..." Kotori whispered, resting her head against his knee, placing a hand on his clenched ones. "You loved her..." She remembered the first memory she'd seen of him - the man with the empty eyes, the girl bound and bruised on the floor, the knife in his hand...

_No... but then he..._ Kotori felt her heart beat quicken. She had to know what happened. Why had Syaoran... "And now she's... gone?" She knew the last word was like a blade to the heart, and heard him emit a small whine. So pitiful, like a lone wolf, his life spared by a hunter, only to be left among the slain, only to grieve.

In this way, Syaoran had opened his heart, for the first time. The wall he had put up had begun to fall, and with it, the water it restrained. He had cried before, moaned before, all in dreams though. This was new, this was here and now, his current pain - the tears that fell like rain.

"Sa...ku...ra.." he hiccuped in between syllables, as he leaned sideways, against an awaiting Kotori. She gently stroked his hair, as his tears dampened them both. At last, after all the pain, the loss and tragedy, he had found a safe place to cry.

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Ahh... that was a lovely little angst right there. Done mainly in Syaoran's point of view, with a few lapses here and there. Bordering on sap at the end with all the crying, sorry folks!

A big thanks to everyone who reviewed, and for Nakuru-chan for being this chaptire's crash-test dummy.

Chaptire 4 should come soon. Reviews leave me inspired. :)


	4. Black and White

The theme of "different person, same soul" is brought up in this chaptire, as Syaoran is visited by someone he shouldn't see.

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Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 4 - Black and White

Rated T for violence, and... more things along the violence genre.

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"Have you ever considered getting out, Syaoran?"

The nurse smiled, folding her hands an her lap, leaning back against the cushioned wall. Syaoran was more calm, today. Perhaps he was coming to trust her?

"I don't deserve any such freedoms..." He sighed, as he looked upward at the ceiling. It was obviously torture to be here for him.

"Kotori-san..." He whispered, cautiously.

Kotori glanced up at him, meeting his timid amber eyes. She said nothing, but tilted her head to the side, so as to let him know he had the floor. "You saw what I did, who I killed..." His voice quivered as he said the last word. "One of them, the me of this world..."

"This world?" She asked, eyes full of curiosity. "Now that I think of it, your companions wore peculiar clothes..." She furrowed her brow, trying to come up with a possible explanation. "Are you aliens? Like, from outside the solar system?"

With this, she heard him smirk, the closest she'd seen to a smile in her near week spent with him. "No... at least, I don't _think_ so...

"There are some people in my world who look like some of the people in your world. I think there was probably someone in my world who looked exactly like you, too... maybe they even had the same name..." Syaoran stared thoughtfully at his folded hands, as Kotori leaned in, preparing to hopefully glimpse some of what he was remembering. Suddenly...

"Doctor Monou?" A sharp banging on the door cause both heads to snap up, eyes wide. "Doctor Monou, come out here, please." Kotori sighed, and stood. _Now_ her superiors wanted to hear her out, after calling her a fool. She smiled, at Syaoran as she slid quietly out the door.

"Doctor?"

The man, tall, clad in the same uniform white lab coats nodded to her and spoke. "We've heard you've been making some progress with patient 1493, what was it? Li?"

"Syaoran, doctor. And yes, I think you could call it 'progress'" She smiled, hoping he wouldn't ask for details on her time with him.

"Yes, whatever the boy is called... and we thought it might be better to bring in a specialist. To... _continue_ the good work you started."

"You're replacing me, is that it!" She stepped closer to the man, attempting to appear tall, despite a near foot of difference between them.

"Well, not exactly... we just are doing this on a trial basis. Now if you'll please step aside... This way, Doctor." He nudged her with his arm, and gestured to a man standing a few feet off. The new man was thinner, fairly tall. He smiled, and nodded, pale blonde hair briefly flopping in front of his ice blue eyes...

Kotori froze, and watched him step up to the door, breathless. _This man looks familiar, almost as if..._ As he turned the doorknob, and stepped inside, she realized what Syaoran had meant earlier._ Syaoran knew him... what was it... Fai!_

She panicked, not knowing how Syaoran would react to a familiar face, and dashed into the room. The doctor had already begun his work.

"Li? Li Syaoran?" There was no response from the boy seated on the floor. "My name is Doctor Flowright. Fai D. Flowright." His eyes flashed, and he stared up at the doctor, face white.

"No... that's not... is it, Fai-san?" His eyes widened, fear in his voice. "Fai-san... I didn't mean to do it... I didn't want that. I never wanted that... stay back! I can't... Don't let me..." He curled his hand into a tight fist, his nails obviously cutting into his skin - more stains for the white padded room.

"I don't... Doctor, what is this?" Doctor Flowright panicked, as the boy fell forward, close to his feet. "This is no better than all of the reports!"

He frowned, and strode out the door, past the taller one, who had a stunned look on his face. "Call the nurses! We need novacaine, and the usual dosage, now!"

"Wait! Don't call them yet!" Kotori put an arm in front of the man, and then hurried to a kneeling position beside Syaoran. _If you medicate him, he'll only slip further away..._ She gritted her teeth, and placed both hands on his clenched fists.

"Stop, Syaoran... you don't have to do that..." She whispered, as she felt the room pull away, to reveal a dingy chamber. Torches lined the wall, a puddle of blood lay on the floor... the same as before... And facing the pair of eyes, Syaoran's, was the mirror image from before, smiling.

_"Perhaps I should save your princess for last, then, Syaoran-kun?"_ He looked back at the panicked, bound girl behind him and then back at Syaoran, smiling all the while. _"We have guests I'd like you to take care of, for our master..._"

_Guests...? No! Stop... stop..._ the sound of tears rose in his voice again, as he fought to resist the motions he was being forced to make, the knife raised again, as he turned to face the door. _Not them too... please, not them... _

And sure enough, in the doorway appeared two figures, panting, already fairly scratched. The tallest, with red eyes contrasting against his jet-black hair lowered his sword and called out to Syaoran, relief in his voice. _"Kid! You alright?" _

The other one, blonde, thinner, lowered the long pole, he carried. His blue eyes flashed, and he frowned, spotting the bound girl and the other man. _"Syaoran-kun! We'll take care of him, just help Sakura-chan!"_

At the blonde's words, the young man laughed. _"Am I really the problem? Why not ask Syaoran-kun about that... Well, Syaoran?"_ There was a sharp pain, as he was forced into movement, walking swiftly toward the pair, knife raised.

_"Kid?"_

_"Syaoran? What's going on?" _

The two leapt sideways, as Syaoran swung forward with the knife. _Stop this! Kurogane-san, Fai-san, don't come closer! I can't..._ The fear rose in his voice, yet his body charged onwards, driven by the smiling look-alike.

Another swipe, and he struck the blonde across the shoulder. A kick, and the pole slipped from his grasp. _"We don't want to fight you, Syaoran!"_ The blonde leapt nimbly backwards, coming back to back with his dark-haired counterpart. _"Well, this is quite a predicament, nee, Kuro-woof? Ideas?" _He smiled, glancing up at the black-haired man, who scowled.

_"It's Kurogane. And..." _Syaoran was on the attack again, feet first. He struck Kurogane on the shoulder, cutting off his statement. The man called Kurogane raised his sword in response, and swung at the boy, grazing him with the blade, and tearing his sleeve.

_"My, this is taking too long, are you really **trying**, Syaoran?"_ the boy laughed, and began to walk forward. _"Must I help you with everything?"_ With this, he trembled, and The two before him became motionless, fighting to move.

"What the!" crimson eyes met blue eyes, both panicked, as Syaoran advanced, towards the larger of the two.

_Stop it! I won't let you do this!_ He screamed, and his movements slowed, as he fought to regain control, and yet the blade flashed as he lifted it above his head. _No! Gomenasai..._

_"KUROGANE!"_

In a flash of crimson, the knife was withdrawn, and a hole remained in the mans chest. The blonde, released of his restraints ran over, face pale. _"No... not... How could he?" _he trembled, and went silent as the other man fell over against him.

_"Now... finish the job."_

Syaoran lifted the blade again, tears fully formed, running down his cheeks. A flash of desperate blue met amber as the knife fell...

The white room returned, both nurse and patient were trembling, eyes wide, looking into each others. Kotori blushed, and remembered her superior was still watching. She did her best to compose herself, and looked up at him.

"There, sir. He's okay. Now, if you wouldn't mind, I'm in the middle of a session." A faint sound of irritation lingered in her voice and he nodded, grumbling as he shut the door. As he did so, Kotori, collapsed onto her back, panting.

"Syaoran... what was... that man was the same as..."

"Fai? Yes, but no... I thought for a moment that it really was..." Syaoran blurted out abruptly, wiping his cold sweat off on his sleeve. He held his hands in front of his face, watching the blood trickle down in the places where his nails broke the skin. "But the dead can't come back to life, huh... Sakura?"

Kotori was still sweating, watching the boy, without saying anything. What was there to say? _What he did was... wrong... but he didn't... it wasn't..._

She sighed. "I guess I'll leave, then, Syaoran." She stood, slightly unsteadily, and went to the door.

"Wait."

As she turned the doorknob, she was stopped by the voice of the boy. She turned, expressionless, and found him staring directly at her.

"Maybe... maybe... I'd like to see the sun... once more."

Kotori smiled, exhaling as she did so. She nodded, and stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door as she exited. As she walked down the hallway, she began making plans for his escape.

----------------------------

Well, that chaptire wasn't terrible, and I even got it up in time for my birthday. Woot. As usual, reviews are appreciated, and constructive criticism is welcome.


	5. Escape

Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 5 - Escape

Rating (Still) T, for violent recollections, and character death.

-----------------------------

"Sir, if you please, just listen." The blonde, pleaded, from a sitting position facing a stern man in a long white coat.

"Listen? Dr. Monou, you've been completely against all of the principals this institution is based on since the day you've arrived. Why should I listen to you? A really should just terminate you." The man glared through thick glasses across his desk, meeting the younger woman's determined stare.

"And just what have I done wrong? Helped a boy who clearly doesn't belong here..."

"_Clearly_, you have no respect for your employers. I believe it is a rule here that there is to be no contact with the patients. And another, stating doctors visits are to be monitored. Did you not break these rules?" He tossed his head back, sweeping the black hair off his forehead.

"Since when is comforting a terrified boy against any set of rules? And he is much calmer without all of the prying nurses and their medication around! He has improved, don't you see?" She slammed her palms down on the desk, standing as she did so, her blonde hair sliding over her shoulders, nearly covering her furious defiant eyes.

"An Incurable! The worst level of patient in this facility, and _you, _a novice doctor, think you can _change_ him? Change this very _facility?" _The man responded with an equal amount of rage, which caused Kotori to stumble backwards into her chair. Her eyes were still ablaze, but she knew she couldn't argue.

"Your employment here is terminated as of today." He relaxed in his seat, and turned the chair away.

"Sir! Isn't that awfully severe!" The girl's cry was politely ignored by the man, as he continued.

"I expect that you will have all of your possessions out of here by the time I return tomorrow." He turned, and exited without looking at the devastated expression on the young girl's face. This was not how anything was supposed to happen...

"Well then, I suppose it'll have to be tonight, sir." She smiled, as the door shut, showing the man hadn't heard her. She fumbled in her pocket for a ring of keys, and exited the office.

-------------

Nightfall, from what he could guess. The hospital had gotten quiet again, though he hadn't heard from his Doctor all day. Syaoran sighed, realizing he'd have to start fighting off sleep again. Or rather, fighting off the nightmares. Sleep itself wasn't much different from being awake, besides that.

He positioned himself in a standing position against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. He whispered phrases, bits of cheerful conversation to himself, willing away the less cheerful, the most vivid.

"I just had to show you Syaoran-kun... Thank you... Yay, Syaoran-kun smiled for me..." He played all the parts himself, a one-man acting troupe, recalling adventures he'd had as a child. He really was lucky back then...

"Syaoran!" A knocking on the door. He turned, abruptly cutting off his speech, and saw Kotori fumbling with the lock on the door, and stepping inside. In her arms was a bundle of clothes, most clean and neatly pressed, but at the bottom he could see a faded green rag... what was she doing?

"Kotori-san? It's... after-hours, isn't it? Shouldn't you..."

"I got fired. Good thing, too." She neatly replied, ignoring Syaoran's startled expression, as she unfolded the articles of clothing. A pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, tennis shoes... the clothes that he'd been admitted in, from the ones who called him 'Li'. She also carried a folded white coat, unfamiliar to him. And the last item...

"Where did you...?" Before him on the floor lay a tattered green cape. His only surviving item of his home world. He remembered well how his 'family' had thrown his other bloodstained 'rags' into a garbage can before his eyes. The resulting rage was the part of the reason he had been placed here. But they were all that remained, after all. Why shouldn't he have attacked them?

"They were with your belongings... your family must have felt you'd want this, though I can't say it's in very good shape..." Ignoring her explanation, he snatched up the familiar object, and cradled it, for a moment forgetting his sins, and where he was now because of them. He inhaled the scents, smelling mostly cheap soap from its numerous washings by the hospital staff, but still, deep down, the scent of all he had been through remained.

It was home, Tokyo rain, Okonomiyaki, snow, fog, and flame. It smelled of Fai, and his strange vanilla scent, of Kurogane, of Ashura-ou's palace, and Seishirou's sword... - all of the places he'd seen, the trials he'd been through and the lives he changed, mixed with the sweet nectar of cherry blossoms... and her. The times he'd used it to keep her warm, left her unique scent of summer and so much more... wrapped up in this tattered cloth his father had given him.

"Thank you." He sighed, feeling a sense of hope, in recovering this treasure, and looked up at Kotori. "Why did you bring me this?"

"Because we are _both_ getting out of here. You and I." She grinned, passing him his shirt. "You said you wanted to, right? And your 'family' wouldn't mind, I'm sure?"

He gaped at the idea. Outside? How long had it been since he had seen sunshine, or even walked around? He glanced at his arms and legs, and how pitifully frail they'd become. Then, without a word, he slipped off the hospital clothes, and politely accepted the shirt. "Thank you."

"Heh, I thought you might agree. Though I wouldn't put on that cape just yet, we still need to sneak you out of here." Syaoran had already thrown the shirt and pants on, instinctively reaching to slip the cape on, but finding Kotori gripping the end. "We need you to wear this, so we can get out.

He sighed, and reluctantly slipped the long, stiff coat on, followed by the shoes. he clutched hugged the cape to his chest and stood.

"Perhaps... we should tuck that away, Syaoran. Perhaps I could hold it-"

"No." Syaoran answered stiffly. There was no way he'd give it up, his last reminder, even for a moment. "Shall we go?"

The doctor nodded, and gently took his hand, leading him out the door into the deserted hallway. The brightness, even of only the fluorescent lights made him wince. Kotori clenched his hand reassuringly and led him down the hall towards a staircase. The less attention they drew to themselves, in an elevator for example, the better.

Ducking into the deserted stairwell, he blinked at the even brighter lighting, reading that they were on the fourth floor. The two descended in silence, eyes occasionally meeting as Kotori glanced back at him, encouragingly.

Four flights down, she led him down a fairly deserted walkway, and out a side door, leading him out into the open air. The air was still, and the evening sky nearly cloudless. A scattering of stars were visible, even amidst the city lights - a sight that caused Syaoran to freeze momentarily, gazing upward, eyes wide.

"This is... outside?" He stared wide eyed, taking a moment to inhale the fresh air, and take in the view. Kotori gripped his arm, drawing his attention towards her, and she smiled.

"Welcome back, Syaoran. Come on." She laughed, and tugged him at a near sprint across a lot full of parked cars, over to the sidewalk, where a large - bus, was it? - was pulling up. "We're going to the beach!"

"A beach?" Before Syaoran could protest, still confused by the sudden abundance of fresh air and light, he had already been pulled up the steps, on to the bus, and thrown onto a plastic seat beside a beaming Kotori. He shook his head as the bus started moving, and eagerly threw off the starchy white lab coat, passing it to Kotori, silently. He instantly replaced it with the green hooded cloak, and gave a weak smile. At least something was right again.

"So... how far is it, Kotori-san?" Syaoran glanced at her, his face once again emotionless, but not exactly sad. His gaze then turned from her, out the window, as cars, sky-scrapers, children jumping rope, couples kissing... The city's sights passed across his narrow range of vision, and a small part of him longed to watch them closer, to feel them, but before he could think about it any deeper, it would pass by, to be replaced by another new sight.

"It's a good 3 hour ride, down south, to where the water's warm. We'll get there around midnight. You can sleep if you'd like." He shook his head, but kept his gaze out the window. He tried to absorb as much as he could, in the short amount of time he saw something. Who knew when he'd get to experience something like this again?

"I'm fine, don't worry. You can, if you'd like."

Kotori nodded, and let her head fall back against the seat. Within minutes, she fell asleep. It'd been a long day, planning to catch the appropriate bus, and stealing all the necessary keys and such to acquire suitable clothes for Syaoran. She was fairly tired.

Unnoticed by her, Syaoran draped an arm, protectively, across her lap, as he kept a constant watch out the window, the hours quietly slipping by.

----------------------------

Ack, this was a bit of a lame ending but the original chaptire was getting a tad long, so I broke it off here. The next one should come soon, and the part following that (Chaptire 7) will conclude this. Stay tuned. :P


	6. Ocean

**Disclaimer:** CCS, TRC, X and all their characters belong to CLAMP. The fanfic, however is mine.

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Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy Fic

Chaptire 6 - Ocean

------------

9:20 PM

Sirens. Patients stirred from their sleep, as a flock of nurses raced down the hallway. A message repeated itself over the intercom.

_"Attention staff. We have an escape. I repeat. Patient 1493, Li Syaoran, has escaped." _

"Nurse!" An infuriated man in thick glasses grabbed a young woman by the sleeve, pulling her from the cluster of panicked doctors.

"Sir?"

"There's a tracker, we've implanted on 1493. He's headed towards the cliffs, just east of here, and we must retrieve him. You're in charge. Take a team of 12. We can't let word get out that we let one escape... restrain that woman, Monou, if necessary. If she goes to the media there'll be no end of trouble." As the words poured from the man's mouth, the jade-eyed girl nodded, doing her best to retain all the information she was being given.

"I'll do my best, sir." With a quick bow, she turned to follow after the crowd of nurses that had rushed past, in the direction of the exit.

-----

"We're here, Kotori-san." Kotori heard a soft voice in her ear, matched by a gentle, warm breath... Her eyes fluttered open, and she spotted Syaoran beside her, his face calm, unblinking. She felt her cheeks turn red.

"Yes! Right! I... I fell asleep." She shook her head, standing quickly. _What am I doing! I'm acting like a child!_ It was unusual to feel so awkward around anyone, let alone a simple boy. She quickly made her way off of the bus, and out onto black pavement bordered by sand. A street light flickered above them, the sole source of light as far as the eye could see, save for the red lights from the rear of the bus as it made it's way back down the main road.

She reached for Syaoran's hand and squeezed it, giving him a quick smile. "The beach is this way."

He nodded, and allowed her to lead him down a rough path through the sand. He inhaled the unfamiliar salty aroma, and struggled to readjust his cape, as the wind constantly threatened to blow it over his head towards the water. They rounded a corner, and emerged onto flat, seemingly endless plain of white sand.

Kotori smiled broadly, taking in the familiar scenery as she moved forward towards the crashing waves, when suddenly something held her arm back. Glancing behind her, she spotted Syaoran, eyes wide, feet planted firmly in the sand, facing the vast expanse of water. It looked as if he was forgetting to breathe.

"Syaoran?"

With a deep sucking sound, he relaxed a bit, do to lack of oxygen. Kotori stifled a giggle, as he stared at her. "I've never seen so much water before..."

"Well water isn't just for looking at, silly." She tightened her grip on his hand and took off at a half-run, across the sand. She stumbled several times, over the unfamiliar terrain, but found that she didn't really need to pull him, as he was keeping up remarkably well. When they were inches from the darker sand, bordering the water's breaking point, she skidded to a stop, plopping down on the sand. Immediately she gripped her shoes, and began to slide them off her feet.

Syaoran sat down beside her, and raised an eyebrow. "Kotori-san? Etou... what are you doing?" He leaned forward, watching her intently as she threw her socks to the side, and shook off her jacket.

"We're going swimming, of course. Now come on!" She nudged him, playfully, leaving him gazing at her dazedly. Impatient at his lack of response, she lunged forward, gripping his shoe, and pulling hard and fast. The result was his entire leg flying into the air, and his head smacking against the sand, as the grinning blonde woman tugged upwards on his sneaker. Eventually, and luckily, in Syaoran's case ( he was getting a good shaking from her tugging), the covering came off, followed by a sock.

Kotori casually tossed them near where she had abandoned her shoes, and then dropped his bare foot. "Do you need help with the other one as well, dear?" She said, smirking slightly, and gesturing at the other, covered, foot. Very quickly, he leapt up to a sitting position and nodded his head. She smiled at the accelerated pace with which he threw his shoe and sock off, then cast aside his cape, while he quickly began to roll up his pants.

"I assume you've swum before, Syaoran?" She stood fully, and gripped his hand once more, pulling him to her feet, with little struggle. He was almost alarmingly light, for a young man.

Syaoran nodded. "I can swim. I visited lakes, and many other such places back then..." His eyes flashed, recalling a past occurrence, and he shivered. No, not now. Not here. Syaoran shook his head, pushing the past to the back of his mind as best as he could. Tonight was tonight. He wouldn't force Kotori to see anymore of his past, if he could help it. Though... the way Kotori was so eager... he couldn't help but be reminded of her...

"Syaoran? You okay?" Syaoran was brought back to reality by a slight tap on the shoulder paired with Kotori's motherly gaze.

Though he couldn't see it, Syaoran's skin had lost most of the slight pink it had, after being indoors for months. He nodded, weakly, feeling a slight dizzy sensation. The dreams were coming to haunt him again, and once they started...

Before he realized it, his toes felt something ice cold, then the rest of his foot, causing him to let out a wolfish yelp. Glancing down, he spotted a foamy substance surging up the beach behind him, covering his feet and ankles as it went. A moment after his feet became submerged, he realized what the swirling substance must be, and gasped.

"The ocean... Tou-san told me about the ocean..." He closed his eyes, feeling tears form beneath the lids. "But I never could've imagined it would feel like this." He opened his eyes again, turning to see a beaming Kotori beside him.

"There are some things you just need to experience to truly understand. Things that can't be described, only felt." Kotori closed her eyes, tilting her head upwards towards the cloudless midnight sky.

The pair remained side by side, as the waves quietly rolled in over their feet, and then cascaded backwards, only to be returned to the shore once again - a never-ending cycle. If only the rest of life could be this peaceful...

"It's cold." Kotori shivered slightly, and Syaoran turned to look at her.

"Yeah. Come on..." This time he was the one to move first, turning to wander further up the sand to where they had abandoned their shoes.

Tugging Kotori by the hand as he did so, Syaoran sat down on the beach and immediately reached for his cape. As she watched him, she expected he'd simply recover herself with it, but before she could react he already had the cape over his head and the majority of it, draped over her. He gave a slight smile, as he slid closer to her, so that the material would cover her better. "You were cold." He explained, quietly, as he turned to look at the dark waters of the ocean before them.

She opened her mouth to say something, but changed her mind. A wide grin formed on her face as she watched his toes work their way into the sand.

"I think I've finally met your true self, Syaoran." As the words left her mouth she felt the color rise in her cheeks, and proceeded to stare at her toes. Surprise and confusion mixed on his face as he turned to look at her.

"My true self?"

She nodded, not taking her eyes off of her sand-coated feet. "Who you once were. Who you were to her. Who you still are, deep down..." She stopped, checking to make sure her words hadn't struck too wrong of a chord. She then continued, softly. "and I think I like it... this Syaoran."

Syaoran's eyes widened as he stared at her. His true self. Who he once was... Could he now tell her their whole story? The feelings of being abandoned, of a smile like sunshine... Of the dimension witch, and words that slice like knives at the heart... His true self. His story.

"Kotori-san..."

But as the words left his mouth he heard a loud slam - metallic... A car door? Footsteps... Syaoran leapt to his feet, pulling an alarmed Kotori up with him. Not bothering to put his shoes on he screamed towards the shoreline. "Show yourselves immediately!"

Almost instantly, they descended down the sand, running at the pair, each holding a stout gun of some sort, all pointed at Syaoran. He scowled, and took a step forward, arms extended, the breeze blowing his cape nearly obscuring Kotori from view. He was shielding her. Within seconds, the strangers had formed a circle of nearly a dozen around them, weapons raised, waiting...

"Don't move, Syaoran Li."

A voice called out from among those surrounding him. Syaoran's eyes swept across the circle, his irritation rising with each cold stare he spotted, and each long white coat. They were doctors, he understood. He also understood why they were there, and what they wanted to do with him...

Suddenly, as though by flick of switch, Syaoran stiffened. They were going to take him back there, to the white room... they were going to inject him again - restrain him until he stopped screaming. Another year, a decade? How long would they keep him there? How long would this punishment continue?

How long must he dream of his greatest mistake?

"We'd prefer it if you'd stay stationary as well, Kotori Monou." As the words were spoken, two of the nurses turned to point their weapons at her, causing her to freeze, her panic rising. "An escaped, mentally unstable patient and his _clearly_ unstable nurse. We've been ordered to bring you two back to our superiors. Please come quietly."

"We will do no such thing..." he whispered, head lowered, jaw clamped tight.

Kotori's eyes widened, as she saw Syaoran's form begin to tremble. Quietly, she uttered his name, so that only he could hear...

"Syaoran?"

As the last syllable escaped her lips, Syaoran turned to face her. The moment his angered eyes met her terrified ones, Syaoran shattered. His eyes widened, their usual amber glow turned dark, as he let out a rumbling growl. The growl rose to a howl, and then a scream.

"If you want to take me, kill me, then! I won't succumb to these nightmares anymore!" In a flash, Syaoran had lunged for the nearest nurse to him, knocking her weapon aside with his right arm, and driving his left palm into her face, twisting her neck till it released a soft 'crack!'. The nurse fell limply to her knees as the rest of the circle began to move in towards the enraged boy.

Kotori gasped at the sudden force of his first attack, and watched as the second nurse nearest him him had his neck promptly snapped, with a quick twisting motion by Syaoran. As one approached from behind him, he turned to send his knee into the woman's stomach, his eyes briefly passing over Kotori. They had turned a darker shade of brown, their usual amber shine lost, and were bloodshot. He bared his teeth once more, and screeched at the new set of attackers.

The group behind him, he greeted by thrusting his palms on to the sand, in a handstand, springing feet first at two stunned doctors. He followed through with the kicking motion, springing to his feet, on top of the two victim's chests.

Kotori sat, her jaw agape at the sudden fighting prowess her companion had displayed. Unbeknownst to her, the two who had first approached her had crept up behind her, needles in hand. Swiftly one grabbed her neck, and the other lightly laid her weapon against her throat. Kotori let out a startled yelp, causing Syaoran to turn, having knocked the other nurses to the ground already. For a moment his eyes flashed, in half-recognition, and he ran at her.

Before the first nurse beside Kotori could act, Syaoran had swung a leg upward, striking her chest and toppling her on to her back in the sand. The other, however, was faster. She flicked the needle dangerously close to Kotori's throat as her green eyes locked with Syaoran's.

"Freeze, or the good doctor dies."

Syaoran froze, though not out of obedience, three feet from Kotori and the stranger. His eyes widened, as his arms fell limply to his sides. The stranger smirked, tilting her head backwards so that the longer portions of her shoulder-length hair fell away from her face.

"It appears you know the effects of a lethal injection... surprisingly bright for an Incurable, Mr. Li..."

Without warning, he had sunk to his knees, trembling. He dug his hands into his thick chestnut hair, clutching his head, as if in pain. Kotori let out a worried cry, and glanced at the woman holding her captive, hoping to spot a cause for Syaoran's breakdown. Her jaw fell open, as he said exactly what she was thinking...

"Sakura-hime."

Sakura smirked, unfazed by his knowledge of her identity. "My name, yes... Now if you'll simply come with me, I won't have to hurt your little... friend here."

Her words were met with an icy silence, broken only by the sound of the waves crashing on the shoreline. Syaoran's trembling grew deeper, and suddenly were accompanied with labored gasps.

"Well then, Li Syaoran? Will you come with-"

"Wait, Sakura-hime..." He interrupted, his voice barely over a whisper. She raised her eyebrows, but said nothing, allowing him to continue.

"Forgive me! Onegai! Forgive my for my horrible sins against you... I never wanted any of this. I loved you _so_ much. _SO much... _I just wasn't strong enough, for you, and everyone. Oh, god, forgive me, please..." Syaoran clamped his eyes shut, struggling to keep his breathing steady, until at last his voice broke, and he began to sob once more, leaning forward towards Sakura's feet.

Sakura simple smirked, again, unmoved by his confession. Kotori, however gazed down at the boy sympathetically. If only she could just hold him...

"Come with me, then, Li Syaoran. All will be forgiven, now follow me..." Her smirk widened into a grin, her eyes staring cooly, unfeeling at his trembling form, as he lifted his head a shocked expression on his face. Kotori went rigid.

"I...I just want to tell her I'm sorry... I want to tell her how I feel... Hold her in my arms." His voice wavered, his face that of a lost child, having found home at last, as he gazed up at the living image of his dead beloved. Kotori was suddenly filled with anger.

"All will be well, now..." Sakura withdrew from her pocket a second injection gun, with a blue colored fluid within. "Just let me lay a hand on you..."

Kotori watched as if in slow motion, the hand creeping towards the oblivious boy. She held her breath, as she realized that he was headed for unconsciousness by way of this mysterious drug. Finally, the words came to her lips, as the needle grazed his neck.

"She's not your Sakura-hime, Syaoran!" Her shriek startled Sakura, causing her to glance back, lowering both needles, as Syaoran froze.

"Sa...ku...ra... jya... nai?" (a/n: "It's not Sakura?". Pardon the wapanese.)

"She just wants to take you back there!" She stared at him, a look of pleading in her eyes. This time his eyes met hers.

"But... she says..."

Kotori's voice climbed, and tears formed in her eyes. "Would your Sakura do this? DId Sakura ever hurt anyone?"

Syaoran's face fell. The vacancy fading from his eyes, to be replaced only by the darker shade which she recognized from before. Sakura's eyes widened, as he turned to look up at her. Three words, and she knew her fate was sealed.

"How dare you..."

With a roar, Syaoran thrust his palm forward, striking her stomach, and sending her flying backwards. He rose to his feet, and approached her where she had landed on the ground.

"How dare you even think you were _anything_ like Sakura-hime!" His voice peaked, as he plunged his hands downward, until at last, it collided with her chest, and pierced it, staining her white coat a sickening red, as she took a last gasping breath, her jade eyes staring coldly into his darkened amber ones. Syaoran found himself crouched down, panting, a low growl in his throat.

Kotori was motionless, her eyes wide with fear at the return of his intensity. After a few seconds, she took a step forward, standing above Syaoran. Slowly, she squatted down and laid a hand lightly on his shoulder.

With a jerk, he whirled around, bloodshot eyes locking with hers as both gasped. The whooshing sensation both had come to recognize as 'the usual' entrapped both, as Syaoran was sucked into another memory...

_- - - _

_NO! God, **NO!** _His scream echoed in the large room.

The hand... his hand, red... It took a moment for him to realize where it was his hand was. A knife, clutched in his hand, had been sent straight through...

_NO, GOD, **NO**. SAKURA-HIME! _Tears flowed down his face, as he regained full control over his movements, the knife falling limply to the floor, along with the wide-eyed girl, drenched in crimson. Syaoran dove forward, to catch the falling princess, who had begun to tremble slightly.

_Sakura-hime... Oh, God, what have I done? This wasn't supposed to happen! How could I!_ He pulled her body closer to him, as she gazed up at him.

_'You... didn't mean it... Syaoran...kun.' _Her words came in between gasps for air, and were followed by coughing paired with red from her mouth.

_Oh, Sakura-hime... I never got you all your feathers, never told you... _His voice faded, as she lifted a trembling finger to his lips.

_'No... you were brave, Syaoran-kun... I'm so glad I could... meet someone like you... before...' _Her voice faded as her breathing grew more shallow, as the red color now began to form around her lips, plentiful as the tears on Syaoran's face.

_No! You're not... you're not going anywhere! _He screamed, pulling her body close to her, breathing in the sweet scent of cherry blossoms, paired, unfortunately, with the metallic taste most associated with death - blood. Though, his words of reassurance were more for his sake... _We'll get help! Just stay with me! _

_'No...'_ She whispered, her voice fading. _'I think... if I have to die... I wouldn't want anyone else... So...'_ She stared up at him determinately, and he nodded, pleadingly, for her to continue.

_'I want you to use my tsubasa, when I...' _

_NO! Sakura-hime, I can't do that... Please, just hang on..._ his voice cracked, as hers softened with each syllable.

_'Take them, and leave... my last wish... for you...' _Her eyes began to close, as his widened.

_Sakura! Sakura, I..._

_'Always, Syaoran-kun... I always...' _Her voice stopped, along with her shaking.

_Sakura, I love you **so **much! I always have! _Rapidly, he brought her face up to his, placing his mouth against hers, in his first kiss, of sorts. Gently he laid his head against her chest, listening for a heartbeat. The silence which greeted him left him motionless, cradling her body.

As he did so, a sinister laughter was heard behind him, he turned his head to spot the other, staring at him, a broad grin on his face. _'So she's dead, then?'_

_YOU! _Syaoran's eyes widened, and then his face shifted into a frown, as he bared his teeth at the look-alike. _**YOU KILLED HER! I'LL KILL YOU!** _He screamed at the boy, who merely responded with a quiet smile, and a point over Syaoran's shoulder.

Syaoran saw a soft light gathering around the princess, centered around her chest. With a soft ringing sound, he stared as 7 feathers began to drift upward, hovering above Syaoran's head.

_No... not yet! _His hands still clutched Sakura's body, as the feathers above him began to glow, directing their light at him. He turned, spotting his other, grinning broadly, as the light began to form a cocoon around him, blocking all from view. As he began to fade, he felt Sakura's presence fade from his arms. _NO! No, no, no, no..._

He leapt to his feet to try and protest, but as he did so, the blood-stained room faded before him, as he left the princess, and her murderer behind.

_Sakura..._

As soon as it had disappeared, a new world replaced the previous one, as the cage of light dissipated from around him. Immediately, he looked up, looking for the feathers, but saw nothing but blue sky... no wait. A familiar amber-eyed boy stared at him from a few feet away, a look of surprise on his face. Another Syaoran.

_You..._ Syaoran leapt to his feet, snatching his sword by the handle, and unsheathing it. _You killed her... _His eyes burned with anger, as the other began to back away, shaking his head in disagreement.

_'I don't know what you're talking about! How did you get here? Who are-' _ But his words were cut off by Syaoran's scream as he lunged at him, his blade spearing the boy through his chest in a burst of red.

_Die, die, die... _

_- - _

_"_Die!_" _

"Syaoran!" As the words left her mouth, Kotori felt something hard collide with her stomach, as Syaoran swung his arm at her. The strength of the blow knocked her backwards onto the sand, her head hitting something hard, sending her into unconsciousness.

A split second later Syaoran's eyes snapped open, as he returned to reality. He turned to his side, and gasped, seeing Kotori's limp form on the beach.

"I... Not again, no..." He stood, and began to back away, feeling his panic rising. "I'm so sorry..."

As the words left his mouth, he turned, and ran, still barefoot down the darkened beach.

-------------

There was some one-sided Kotori-Syaoran in that, I think...gah. I swore I wouldn't. Just one chaptire to go, now! Excited?


	7. Endless

There's an extra-long chatter by me at the end of this, the final chaptire... beware. XD

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Incurable - A TRC Syaoran Drama/Tragedy fic

Chaptire 7 - Endless

Rated T for violent recollections and character death.

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Kotori winced, finding herself flat on her back on a beach. How had she arrived here again? Her eyes widened, remembering the moments leading up to her arrival here - the bus, the memory, and the way he threw himself away from her...

She sat up, panicked eyes darting around the sand. It was still hard to see, though she could see the slight glow of the sun on the horizon - daybreak couldn't be far off. She leapt to her feet and took off one way down the beach, fear in her voice.

"Syaoran! Syaoran!" She strained her voice, calling the boy's name, hoping, praying for a reply. To her dismay, she was greeted only by the echoing of her voice. Panting, she stopped, resting her palms upon her thighs, back bent slightly.

A sudden gust of wind blew her hair skyward, drawing her gaze upward as she attempted to restrain the unkempt curls with her hands. As she lowered her hands, she froze, eyes wide. With only a glimpse to confirm his identity, she was once more, sprinting down the ever-lightening beach.

- - -

A funny thing it was, the ocean... Parts were bordered by sand, the waves calmly gliding upwards, only to fall back again, endlessly sculpting and re-sculpting the beach. Yet other parts, he observed, were quite the opposite. Syaoran stood staring off the edge of one of these 'other parts' - a cliff, where solid land suddenly dropped off, and save for a few small boulders a good hundred feet below, there was only the ocean.

The waves shattered harshly upon the boulders at the cliff's base, sending showers of white foam shooting up the immovable rock wall formed by the cliff. It was so much harsher than the waves that met the sand...

Harsh enough to steal the life from a person, he wagered.

He wondered if it'd really hurt all that much if-

"Syaoran!"

He turned his head sharply, a distraught expression on his face, as his empty eyes met Kotori's panicked ones. She was 15 feet from him. He was on the wrong side of a railing blocking off...

"Syaoran... come back over the railing." She struggled to keep her voice calm, as she extended a hand in his direction, beckoning him back. He merely side-stepped another foot from her.

"She wanted me to be happy..." He turned away, eyes tracing the edge of the cliff before him.

"And you think suicide will bring you happiness!" She clenched both hands into fists, trembling. He wanted to jump. To kill himself. Suicide. _Suicide..._

"...but I can't be happy without her..." He continued quietly, as though the young woman had said nothing. "...my happiness is her..." Syaoran closed his eyes, teeth clenched in frustration and... _loss_...

Kotori remained tense, her eyes resting on the boy's motionless form. Silently she waited for him to speak again, fearing her words would only worsen the situation. Slowly, Syaoran turned to stare at her again, a weak smile on his face.

"I wasn't strong enough...to be without her in the end...nee, Kotori-san?" His voice barely above a whisper, he continued. "I don't think there's really a cure for the past, death... murder..." He gave a short laugh, not unlike a sob, as he closed his eyes.

"But... I'm really glad fate... hitsuzen... led me to this beach. This world. Someone... so much like her..." Opening his eyes, he gazed at Kotori, a smile widening on his face. "Thank you."

Kotori gaped at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "But, I didn't do anything, Syaoran! Everything that happened, all that you showed me was your own! I gave you nothing..."

Syaoran shook his head. "No... you gave me everything. Your kindness... your patience... your smile." Turning away from her, to face the ocean, he reached to untie the clasp of his cape, sliding it over his head. Grasping the green material in his hands, he tossed it over his shoulder, where the breeze guided it into Kotori's motionless arms.

Syaoran took a step forward, toes curling around the edge of the rock cliff. He turned his head to the side, watching Kotori out of the corner of his eye. "I only gave you one thing. I gave you... _our story_."

He stepped forward.

She fell forward.

- - -

Kotori knelt, head buried in the rough length of material, struggling to steady her shallow breathing. A deep pain lingered in her chest, though she couldn't place the reason for it. Only as a tear slid down her pale face, dripping onto the dark green wrap before her did she realize it.

She was gone. And now he was gone too. Two souls, two lovers, two lifetimes, lost. _Lost..._

And then there was her.

Standing, she clutched the green fabric in a tight embrace, eyes closed, to the lightening of the sky before her. There was still one. She was still here. All couldn't be lost as long as...

Syaoran's final words rang in her ears, as she turned towards the shore once more, to begin her trek home.

_'I gave you our story...'_

People never die, as long as there are those who would remember them... right?

If that was true... it must be true... then she would make sure of at least one thing in her life...

That those two would never die. That their past would never be erasable...

Because some things are just incurable.

------------------------------------------

It's... a finished fic. o.o -pops cork on sake- Kanpai, readers. Kanpai. This is the first chaptired fic I've finished, and I'm really... proud of myself. (Despite the fact that it took me MONTHS to do this chaptire properly, if you can call this proper.)

Yes. The thank yous, now.

MAJOR love to _Cherry Tiger, Noir Rose, _and_ LiLover131 _for reviewing every chaptire. Yes, every single one (approximately), despite the minor issues it had early on. XP

_Insanity Team! (Violet)_ and her sprites for the occasional review, and the insanity.

_Steeple333_ for squeeing over this fic irl. XD I worry you're going to eat me if you see this, and how long it's been since I updated... but oh well. I probably don't taste like chicken.

Where to go from here? Well, I think my writing's improved from what it was about 8 months ago, and so has my typing speed, so we could be seeing another fic in addition to _From the Ashes_, my other current fic (you should read it, yes you should. ;P) in the coming months.

Review, please, and Thank you again for reading!

_Final edited version: 4.13.07. -- With some minor corrections, I put this fic down for good._


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